7 Questions to Cut Your Wedding Guest List

May 7

Ah, the wedding guest count—one of the biggest headaches. It can also be the most expensive decision you will make as you plan your wedding! Now more than ever, knowing how to cut your wedding guest list is essential. After all, with many states limiting the head-counts on large gathering this year, your guest count could be the difference between a 2021 wedding, or a postponement to 2022.

There are hundreds of conflicting flowcharts online that try to help you filter down your guest list. It can be time-consuming and confusing trying to funnel your guests through these “invite/don’t invite” exercises. To help you out, I’m cutting to the chase. I’ve compiled the 7 most hard-hitting guest list questions to ask yourselves while sorting through your mile-long maybe list.

1. How would you feel about spending 15 minutes talking to this person on your wedding day?

Not good? Cross them off. A typical wedding reception is 5 hours long, or 300 minutes. That’s enough time for 15-minute convos with only 20 people. During your reception, you might also try to fit in a photography session, first-dance, speeches, cake cutting, bouquet tossing, eating dinner and dancing. If a few unwanted guests monopolize your time for 15 minutes each, you’re probably skipping dinner.

More importantly, your wedding shouldn’t feel like a never-ending networking event. Surround yourself with guests who you’d LOVE to spend that time with instead (and those who will respect your chow time).

2. How would you feel if you weren’t invited to their wedding?

This question is better than the very popular question “did they invite you to their wedding?” Whether they did or didn’t may have nothing to do with you – maybe they wanted to keep things small. Maybe they had budget restraints. Or, maybe you weren’t as close then? Simply assess your friendship with them now.

If there are couples who aren’t married yet – consider whether or not you would appreciate being invited to celebrate their love story on their day. Would you be unconditionally happy for them? Or are you just afraid of missing out on a party? Whatever your answer, the other couple is likely on the same page. You don’t want freeloaders who aren’t truly there for YOU helping themselves to the open bar.

3. Are they an ex/past flame?

If you’re already pushing the limit on numbers, this might be an easy way to cut your wedding guest list. And this includes ex-relationships, hook-ups, flirtations, not-so-platonic friendships, crushes…the whole nine. Even if you’re “just friends” now, be considerate toward your fiancé’s feelings. Your future spouse might not appreciate seeing someone you used to dig on their wedding day.

Have an honest conversation—also ask yourself how you would feel inviting someone your fiancé dated. This goes without saying, but if you’re not very friendly with your ex, you’ll want to remove any chance of drama from the list. Objections are not romantic.

4. Do you know their last name…?

That’s without looking on Facebook. If you don’t, they likely don’t know yours either… That’s probably not a good sign of a strong relationship. It’s about as black and white as it gets. Now go make some hard cuts.

5. Are they friends with your fiancé?

You and your fiancé should be considerate of each other’s individual maybe lists. Try to be fair with how many personal friends and family you each invite. Prioritize those who have taken the time to befriend your fiancé. Invite those who have really cared about your love story and cut back on the friends who haven’t made the effort.

6. If they invited you out to dinner next week, would you actually want to go?

I’m talking pre-global pandemic, dinner on a Tuesday night, 30 minutes away in the middle of a New England winter. THAT’S love, and it means you really value their company. Answer truthfully, I promise I won’t think less of you…

7. Have you talked to the person in the last 6 months?

Six months is generous. If you’re a social butterfly, try cutting back to two months. Hold your wedding guests to a high standard. If it’s been over half a year, they probably haven’t congratulated you on your engagement or made an effort to reach out since then. Don’t forget it’s a two-way street. If you haven’t checked in on them during a global pandemic either, you’re probably not as close anymore. That’s okay! Losing touch with friends is a natural part of life. Use this question to identify those you may have genuinely grown apart from.

If someone else is making a large monetary contribution to your wedding, they might have a stake in the guest list realty. Have them ask these questions about names on their guest list as well.

Inviting someone to your wedding is a big deal, and a very personal choice. No one should be making the decision for you. Or worse! —making you feel guilty because of your choices. At the end of the day, you can’t please everyone. Use these questions to cut your wedding guest list to special guests who are meaningful to you and support your union. Good luck!