5 Tips for Having the Wedding Budget Discussion with Your Parents

Mar 23

Sooooo uhh...let's have that awkward parent talk. Yeah, THE talk: Talking to your parents about how much $$$ they're putting toward your wedding. Obviously, your parents (or other close relative) don’t have to contribute funds to your wedding at all. You also may not want to accept anything from them. Regardless, one of the very first big steps to planning your wedding is identifying how much money you plan to spend. So, if you and your fiancé don’t plan to foot the final bill yourselves, this convo with your parents needs to happen…like yesterday.

I get it, talking about money is awkward in general. Talking to your parents about how much you can expect from them for your wedding is on a whole other level of cringy. ESPECIALLY if your future in-laws will be footing most of the bill...

Even though this conversation can be painful, it is CRUCIAL to get a clear commitment from the people contributing funds to your wedding. Not only a commitment of how much they are gifting you, but also what they want that money to be used for. And of course, if they don’t plan on contributing anything, it’s good to know that now before you start putting money down on a venue or vendors.

To guide your conversation, here are 5 tips for having the wedding budget discussion with your parents. (Since making assumptions is a dangerous game, just cover your ass and follow these steps.)

Plan a time in person or by video call to chat face to face with the specific purpose of talking about the wedding budget.
Plan ahead and tell your folks you want to meet to specifically talk wedding budget. This will give them some time to prepare for the conversation. You don’t want to ambush them with the topic and catch them in a deer in headlights situation. This can be awkward for them, especially if they haven’t put any thought into it yet. Simply call them up and ask for some available times to sit down and discuss.
Pro tip: bring wine.
Start out by saying what you and your fiancé plan to contribute
When the scheduled chat finally comes, start out by outlining the purpose of the conversation. Weddings cost a lot of money these days, and in order to start planning, you need to finalize the budget you have to spend. Totally fair!
Tell them how much you and your fiancé plan on spending. Then, outline what your wedding would look like if your budget is the only budget.
For example, if you plan to contribute $10,000 of your own money, you might mention that a wedding with this budget would mean a sweet and intimate elopement or tiny wedding with your 10 closest people.
Let them respond
DON'T ASSUME ANYTHING. Let them respond to the number you plan to contribute and kindly ask, "what are your expectations when it comes to our wedding?"
If the idea of you eloping sounds terrible to them, let them unpack what their expectations are instead. Maybe they envisioned you inviting all of your cousins, aunts and uncles which would be more like 100 guests.
This is where they will jump in, outline what their expectations are and tell you whether or not they plan to contribute to your wedding budget to help you make that happen.
If they expect you to invite 100 guests, but don’t jump in with the amount they plan to contribute, simply ask, “is there an amount you would like to contribute to the wedding budget to cover the extra costs of that?”
Confirm the strings attached and do a gut check
Time to get UBER clear. Once they give you their number (if any), clearly confirm what it is they want that money used for. If they are offering $30,000, but you need to invite all of their cousins with some of that money, that may be a deal breaker for you.
Hash this out live with them. Do a gut check and ask yourself if you can live with the strings attached to their gift. If not, it’s OK not to accept the cash.
It’s also OK to leave the conversation and sleep on it. Talk it out with your fiancé and make sure you both are comfortable with any strings attached to the gift.
Triple, quadruple confirm you’re all on the same page
After you know the number, the strings attached and you did your gut check: confirm, confirm, CONFIRM.
Sometimes these chats have a lot of wine involved...for good measure...and it will only benefit you to clarify AGAIN that you all are on the same page. The next day, clarify in writing the amount of money and the strings attached. Email or text them something like, "just to confirm, you're contributing $30,000 and you expect that we use some of the money for a venue close to your house and inviting grandma’s side of the family? Thank you again and we are so excited to start planning!"
If they follow up with a thumb’s up emoji, you’re golden.

If you're getting most, if not all, of your wedding paid for by parents or other relatives, make sure you set some time aside for a special thank you. It’s a huge financial commitment that they do not have an obligation to make. Consider treating them to dinner the week of your wedding so they can spend a little extra undivided time with you and your fiancé before the big day!

And my last plea, just know that you don’t always have to take the money and settle. If their conditions are too far off from your original vision and keeping 100% of the control and decision-making power of your wedding is important to you – then don’t take the money! Or at least not all of it. Eloping is cheap and just as meaningful. ;)

Be honest, be grateful and be CLEAR. You got this!

If you’re seeking even more advise from a destination wedding planner, Download our free guide below to Estimate the Cost of your Destination Wedding!