Biggest Destination Wedding REGRETS Couples Have…
Are you planning an international destination wedding and you are absolutely kept up at night because of the fear of having regrets when it's all over? Whether you're worried about making mistakes, making the wrong decisions or spending too much money, wedding regrets are a real thing, and having an international wedding takes it to a whole new level.
If this is you, you're in the right place because we've planned a lot of these things and we've talked to couples post-wedding to compile the top destination wedding regrets – what they would've changed and what they would've done to make the experience better. So you can avoid all this pain and you know exactly what not to do, like flying into your destination 24 hours before your wedding…we'll get into it. Read on or watch the video below!
Overcommitting to DIY Projects
This is one of the most common ones that I see and one of the biggest mistakes I see couples make: overcommitting to DIY projects. Then having to figure out how to fly them over to your destination. When you are having an international wedding, you have to think everything through: how am I getting this over there? Is it going in a checked bag versus carry on?
Pro-Tip: You shouldn't put anything vital to the wedding in a checked bag because whether or not that bag shows up to your destination wedding is not in your control. But if you're DIYing a bunch of stuff, your carryon is going to fill up quickly. Also, sometimes they force you to check your carryon depending on the airline or if the flight is full and there's no more room in the overhead bins.
Most of those things I see couples, DIY is the day of decor, signage and stationery.. I highly recommend using a site like Minted or other templated sites on Etsy to print out your table numbers, your menu cards, escort cards that tell people where to sit and your place cards. Print them, bring them with you in your personal item inside a gallon Ziploc bag, call it a day. Then you're not having to make these pieces yourself or go to Staples (they usually print it wrong, you have to do it again, et cetera).
Limit the amount of things that you're DIYing so that you don't have to follow in the footsteps of these couples who regretted it.
2. Not Speaking Up to Foreign Vendors
The next common regret that I have seen are with couples that had a hard time planning with their international vendors, whether there's a cultural barrier or a communication barrier, their planning experience maybe wasn't the best, and the main regret here is not saying anything.
I think a lot of times couples think, “I have to be with this person on my wedding day. I don't want to ruffle their feathers and I don't want it to be awkward when they see me if I speak up and kind of speak my mind about how I feel the experience planning is going with them.”
For example, if you have a photographer that lives over where your wedding is happening and they're really, really hard to communicate with or they're really not listening to you, get on a call with them! Have an open dialogue about how you're feeling. See if there's a misalignment of expectations, especially in Europe, everything happens much more last minute there and it can really stress out an American. So if you think that something should be getting done sooner and you're anxious about them waiting till the last minute because you think it's not going to get done, open a dialogue about that rather than keeping your mouth shut for the sake of them showing up and having a peaceful wedding day.
If they're a professional, they will understand. They will talk you through what their expectations are as far as the timeline. They'll maybe try to meet you halfway and they'll still have a good attitude when they show up on the day of your wedding.
3. Promising Guests Financial Support
This is a big regret– promising guests financial support if they can't save enough to come to the wedding. When you decide to have a destination wedding and you are sharing the good news to your friends and family, it is really easy to say, “if you can't make it, just let us know. We can help you out.” That is one of the biggest regrets that couples have because effectively what you're saying to this person is, don't bother saving, I am going to help you! But you don't know how much your wedding is going to end up costing. You might not even have a venue picked out yet. You might not have your menu finalized. You might not have all of your vendors booked yet, so you don't actually know if you're going to have money leftover to be able to pay for that person's flight and their accommodations, (which could be upwards of $2,000).
Another unfortunate side effect of this is that it really enables them to not even bother saving the money. So instead if you just say, “Hey, we're going to have a wedding in Italy. I hope you can come, it's in two years. If not, I have no expectations, no worries, but I would love to see you there and I hope that this gives you enough time to plan if you'd like to come.” Then let them save if they want to be there. Then at the very last minute, if they say, “Hey, I can't come,” you can offer financial support if it's in budget.
4. Didn’t Get to Keep the Bouquet
The next regret for having an international wedding is that you don't get to keep your bouquet. This is a big one. Technically, when you come back to the States and you go through customs, you are not allowed to bring home any plant life – that means your bouquet. It’s actually not allowed to be brought across borders. Now, sometimes they don't check your bag, so you could have a couple flowers from your bouquet pressed in there and that might get through. However, I don't recommend trying to work around this rule because you don't want to get yourself flagged for anything if they do check your bag.
However, there are some companies that will do resin bouquet preservation in Europe and then they can ship it to you because it's not plant life anymore. It's a piece of art! So there are loopholes. Alternatively, there are also companies in the States that will actually create a replica of your bouquet from the photos. They reproduce it in the States and then they will preserve those blooms.
5. Drinking Too Much the Night Before
The next regret is drinking too much the night before. This is not just for international weddings. It happens all the time, but unfortunately I have peeled a lot of brides off the floor on the day of the wedding because they were overserved — Overserved, drank too much, whatever.
When you are in Europe, generally at dinner, they won't let your glass go empty, especially if it's a rehearsal dinner or a welcome dinner where you've already paid for the bar package. They're going to keep filling your glass. You maybe drink half, they'll fill it up again, you drink three-fourths, they'll fill it up again. It's really hard to keep track of the number of glasses of wine you've had. Even more of a reason to make sure that you're limiting the amount that you drink. Try and set a limit for yourself. Hold your partner accountable with you. Also, different alcohol overseas might have different alcohol levels, so keep an eye on it. Bring some electrolyte mix, whether it's Liquid IV or Water Boy. DEFINITELY bring Advil with you.
6. Not Having Alone Time Together
Next regret is not spending enough time together throughout the weekend or on the day specifically for these international weddings where everyone is staying together on the same property.
It can be a huge pro to have all of your guests stay together, but it also can be a con, especially for a cutie pie, introverted couples. This is because everyone has access to you throughout the entire weekend. So it can be actually hard to get a private moment with your partner. Being really intentional about scheduling that private time is so important. And if you are on property with everyone, think about where that private time is happening, whether it's in your room or a little section of the property.
7. Not Making a Plan for the Dress After the Wedding
Two things related to having a wedding dress and an international wedding. One, not scheduling ahead of time and budgeting for the cost of cleaning that dress, and two, not planning who is bringing that dress and all of your other wedding items home while you're going off on your honeymoon.
When you're at a wedding abroad, that dress is going to get deliciously dirty–it's a rite of passage (we call it the bridal ombre). Your dress is going to get stained–that's a sign of a good time. But the thing is, after you're done with the wedding, that dress then gets packed into a suitcase, usually a checked bag and has to fly back home. So that's a lot of time for those stains to really set in. It can make it a little bit more difficult to actually come home, unpack it, figure out who's going to wash it and when it's going to get washed. Being more proactive with how it's going to get washed and how it's going to get to that dry cleaner is something that you can do to help yourself. The other thing is making sure we know who is bringing it home. Even better if the person who is volunteering to bring the dress home for you can drop it off at that dry cleaning appointment so that when you come home, your dress is already dry cleaned!
You don't want to be hauling your stuff from the wedding to your honeymoon. It's going to be basically a whole extra checked bag worth of outfits, shoes, makeup, jewelry and decor that you don't actually need on your honeymoon. So trying to find someone who's willing to fly that stuff back for you is huge.
8. Not Bringing in a Planner to Help with Cultural/Language Barriers
Another regret is not bringing in a destination wedding planner sooner because they were struggling with the communication barrier between them and the vendors of their destination. When wondering how to plan a destination wedding, couples often forget to consider having to navigate the communication, cultural, time zone and currency barriers - it is a lot of extra work. So budget that extra time knowing that it's going to take a little bit longer for you to plan this wedding, or you can bring in a wedding planner.
Shameless plug, as a Destination Wedding Planner, I help couples navigate cultural communication, time zone, and currency barriers throughout their entire wedding planning process. Check out our packages here!
9. Not arriving soon enough!
Another regret and probably one of the most common ones I've seen is not getting there soon enough. A lot of couples thought that maybe 48 hours before the wedding would be soon enough. Do not do that– four days before the wedding is the magic number. I have had a client get delayed a full 24 hours. She missed her hair and makeup trial and she almost missed her bachelorette boating excursion. You put a lot of time, effort, energy, and money into this experience you want to get there a few days before so that you absolutely make sure you're in the right destination and you don't end up missing any of these events. But also you want to be there to get over the jet lag, settle in, maybe have a massage, get relaxed and enjoy the beauty of your destination with your partner before the wedding events start.
10. Not Booking More Convenient Flights
The next regret is not booking more convenient flights. Rather than prioritizing the cost couples wish they prioritize the comfort. Booking a direct flight whenever possible is definitely something that past couples would say that's worth spending on.
11. Not Having a Welcome Event
Another regret is not having a welcome party, especially because everyone's so jazzed when they fly overseas to see you. And if that is happening on the wedding day, that's a lot of energy coming at you all at once. You feel like you need to tear your attention away from the fact that you just got married and greet all of these guests appropriately to thank them for coming.
That is why a welcome party is so lovely to have so that you can kind of get those niceties out of the way. Greet everyone, really kick the weekend off on the right note and tone, and then when you're going into the wedding day, it's about you and your partner, not greeting everyone who flew in from thousands of miles away.
12. Underestimating the Cost
And the last regret is not understanding the cost of destination weddings and assuming they are cheaper than having weddings in your hometown. Basically underestimating the amount of money that you needed to spend. Finding out the hard way that you're going to go over budget is the worst feeling you can have when you're planning your wedding. So it's all about being prepared and knowing what your expectations realistically will cost so that you're ready to spend that money, you're excited to spend that money, you're not so anxious that you have to spend money that you were unprepared to spend. For more on this topic, check out my tips to plan a low budget destination wedding in Europe!
If you don't want one of your destination wedding regrets to be that you are not financially prepared for this wedding, be sure to download my guide to Estimate the Cost of your Destination Wedding in Europe (before booking a venue). The link to that guide is below.
Knowledge is power: the more you know, the less you'll regret. So I really hope this has been helpful!
Free Guide!
Estimate the Cost of Your Destination Wedding
In Europe before booking a venue!
