What NO ONE TELLS YOU About Destination Weddings in Europe
Getting married in Europe is the dream, right? Well, yes, but there are 10 important caveats you need to know before you sign up for a destination wedding abroad, and no one talks about these things, so allow me to shed some light for you so you can gain clarity before kicking off the process and avoid having destination wedding regrets.
As a destination wedding planner, I've planned weddings in 12 countries and I've noticed some things that you need to know before deciding to get married in Europe, so let's get into it.
You will feel the Cultural Differences
Number one, to a certain extent, you cannot fully avoid the cultural differences of having a wedding in Europe. At a certain point, you do have to lean in. What do I mean by this?
If you are an American couple, for example, you might want to have an American wedding in Europe. You'll be putting your own touches on the wedding and your guests will be expecting something fairly similar to the way that weddings look back home. To a certain extent, you can mold your wedding to be more “American”, but remember that you are getting married in Europe. Your vendors and your venue are likely all European. They have a certain way of doing things, and to a certain extent, you will have to lean in. The dinner service is going to be longer. The way that they do their bar might not really match the way we do open bars in the States. There might be timeline restrictions. There might be areas within the property where you're not allowed to have events for certain reasons. There might be random rules.
In the US when you're getting married, you might find that wedding vendors tend to be more “yes men.” People generally will bend over backwards to get you what you want or they'll communicate why that's not possible. Whereas in Europe, if something's not possible, oftentimes they will just tell you no. Generally, there is not the same type of communication as to why they can't do that for you. But trust me when I say there's some type of reason for it: “No, we can't make dinner go faster because this is how we're staffed…No, you can't have your ceremony over there because the glare from the sun is terrible for your guest eyes,” etc. There's a reason for everything. It's just not always proactively communicated. So when they say no, it can feel really frustrating. But remember that there is always an underlying reason and it could just be the result of a cultural barrier.
It's different, but it's okay because you're having a destination wedding and cultural differences are part of the fun. My advice, pick your battles. Pick the three things that you absolutely care about your three hills to die on and really go to bat for those three things to try and get them to maneuver around you. Everything else that is not those three most important factors of your wedding. Let it go and lean in.
2. Your Guests Want to Relax
Number two, your guests want to relax. They don't need to have an itinerary scheduled out for them every single day. They do like to sit by the pool and just chill. We have had a lot of guest feedback recently saying, I wish I just had more time to hang out. We noticed that couples tend to overcompensate because they feel guilty for having a destination wedding, so they feel like they have to provide this amazing itinerary and activities because their guests traveled so far to be there. There's a lot of pressure to dazzle them with all of the fun things that you can do. But remember that the guests who choose to go to your destination wedding want to be there. You should not feel guilty for giving them the opportunity to have a vacation. And also this is their vacation too. They want to relax. They're taking a break from work. They're totally fine, just chilling and hanging out! So, you can absolutely have opportunities for your guests to choose their own adventure, give them a menu of things that are around them and that are available for them to do, but don't feel like you need to have a minute by minute itinerary scheduled out for the whole weekend.
3. There are tons of random fees
Number three of things that no one tells you about having a wedding in Europe, there are tons of random fees. You may have heard me talk already about VAT - value added taxes.
Depending on where you're getting married within Europe, you might also have the music tax and tourist taxes. They just pop up. Sometimes they tell you about them beforehand. Sometimes they tell you about them the week of the wedding. So I can't stress this enough: make sure you proactively ask before you sign your contracts if there are any other fees that are coming up down the line to consider.
The other thing I recommend you do, (because random fees are not always in your control) is to put a contingency budget aside of 3% in an emergency fund and don't touch that until after your wedding is over. For any little thing that comes up unexpectedly closer to the wedding or even the weekend of the wedding, you have that fund. You are prepared to spend that money. It'll hurt less to go over budget at that point because you already had the money set aside.
4. Your vendors care, yet sometimes show it differently
Number four, your foreign vendors care deeply about the outcome of your wedding, but they show it in different ways. You may have gone to some of your friends' weddings or family's weddings in the states and seen these fabulous wedding vendors running around, coming up to the couple and pretty loudly pouring into them and being really excited externally for them to really bring the vibes. It's a lot less common that you'll have that type of external showcase of energy from your vendors. In Europe, they're just more discreet than US vendors. There are probably a lot of lessons I could learn from them... We are just so extra in the States! If you are in the wedding industry in the States, you probably have the personality to go along with it, so don't expect that outpouring of really loud, big energy. If you're an introvert, this actually might be a huge pro for you. But remember they care deeply, they're just a little bit more subdued in general.
5. Bugs, weather and other unpleasant things still exist
Number five of things people don't tell you. Bugs, weather and other unpleasant things still happen. Even when you're in Europe, mosquitoes are absolutely still a thing. There are wild boars that run around the streets in Tuscany! Be prepared for wildlife. These things are not extinct over there just because it's so fabulous and European. And definitely get some bug spray if you're getting married in a mosquito and buggy area and time of year.
As for bad weather, you do have to expect and plan for it to rain, then be pleasantly surprised if it doesn't. It can still rain and at certain venues the rain plan might be a little ugly. So before you book your venue, make sure that you are asking to see pictures of what the rain plan is. If your outdoor events cannot happen outside, especially in Europe where a lot of these venues have these wonderful opportunities for alfresco dining and dancing, we want to make sure that you're still happy if you can't actually see that vision through outside because of bad weather.
6. You will not be packing light
You will likely need a whole extra checked bag or suitcase to bring all the random things that you need for your wedding. You might feel like a pack mule because you'll have to bring over your stationery, potentially a guest book, possibly welcome bag stuff, dresses, suits, shoes for all of the events…it adds up. If you're used to packing light, that is not happening on this trip. However, you can offload this. If you have a very generous friend or family member that's able to take that bag for you and someone that you trust traveling with your wedding day wardrobe especially. Pro-tip put your gown in a waterproof garment bag. You will thank me later.
My recommendation is to add the extra checked bag before you actually show up to the airport so that you're not getting charged any extra fees. A pro tip from this season, put all your important wedding planning stuff in a hard shell suitcase. Ideally, you are not checking anything that is vital to the wedding, but things happen. Sometimes they make you check your carry-on bags for size restrictions or if they've run out of room in the overhead bins, so put it in a hard shell suitcase because A) things won't get crushed, and B) if it's sitting on the tarmac for two hours in the pouring rain, your stationery will not get soggy. Yes, that happened. It was sad. Another pro-tip: pack your paper decor in Ziplock bags!
7. It’s not usually legal…
Number seven of things you need to know is that it is not a legal ceremony (most of the time) when you're getting married abroad.
If you want to make it legal, you certainly can, but I will tell you now, the paperwork is a nightmare. 95% of the couples that we've ever planned weddings with abroad have had a symbolic ceremony, meaning they got married legally back home either before or after the wedding, and then they had a symbolic ceremony happen while they were at their wedding In Europe. I even did this myself. My husband and I got married on a Monday morning at Bristol Town Hall, very hungover with two random witnesses. One of them was the wife of the judge who married us. It was five minutes long. There were no pictures, and we don't acknowledge that it ever happened. Some other clients that I've had have made it really cute. They'll put a little courthouse outfit on, like a power suit, hire a photographer, go get dinner and drinks after.
So it really just depends on how you'd like to acknowledge that moment. On the upside, when you get married at home legally, anybody can symbolically marry you abroad, which is so fun. You can pick a friend or a family member that's really meaningful to the two of you. It's not some random person from some random country. There's no language barrier. There's no cultural barrier during your ceremony abroad. If it is your battle that you are picking to figure out how to get married abroad, you certainly can. It's a little bit easier if you're doing it religiously from church to church where the churches are communicating with each other, but there is still a lot of paperwork and you still will have to go to the diocese in person the week of your wedding when you get there. So it's something that you need to factor into your itinerary.
8. You may not fully avoid the language barrier
Number eight, there will be a language barrier between you and your vendors. Even if they speak English, you can still feel a little bit of a barrier and everyone's level of English proficiency will be a little bit different. So if you're having a hard time communicating with your vendors because of any potential language barrier, I highly recommend getting on a phone call with them because their verbal skills could be better or different than their written skills. If you do feel like at the end of the day that it's just a barrier that you cannot overcome, tap in one of your other vendors that seems to have a little bit of an easier time to maybe help with the communication between you and them.
9. Your guests will have sooooo many questions
Your guests will have so many questions... even your most travel savvy guests, they're still going to have questions.
I would pack your wedding website with as much information as you possibly can find before you send the save the date out: travel tips, packing tips, activities, restaurants, reminders to get their passport updated, reminders about any visas, and then keep reminding your guests about the website's existence (because people love to forget that you put so much time and effort into a fabulous website). Even up to the week before the wedding, as people are getting ready to go, send out an email blast to everyone to remind them of the website. Same thing the weekend-of, you can put QR codes in the welcome bag or in everyone's rooms to remind them about the website. Also, remember that it is okay to connect them to your venue coordinator if they have random questions like getting around, local recommendations or anything that they would be asking a concierge at an actual hotel.
Give them that point of contact so they're not asking you.
10. Uneven road, steps and cobblestones are a b*tch
Number 10, stairs and cobblestone are no joke. There are so many gorgeous venues and they could be 500 or 1000 years old, and they're tucked up in the beautiful mountains making the views so gorgeous and you're secluded…but also there were 700 steps to get there.
It's easy to overlook when you're booking sight unseen from thousands of miles away that there can be quite the journey to get up to your venue. So ask about that before you book the venue if it's something that you're worried about, or check out our blog about how to pick a destination wedding venue without visiting in person! And, tell your guests ahead of time to be mindful of the footwear that they're bringing, be careful of the steps that they are taking and think about the bags they are packing. A helpful reminder can help mitigate accidents…and we've seen some accidents.
Also, if there are no steps to get up to these places, sometimes there can be really small and winding roads. So I recommend noting this on your wedding website and packing some Dramamine or other motion sickness medication, just so that you are very prepared and everyone has a pleasant experience.
In conclusion, those are the 10 caveats that you need to know about before you decide to have a wedding in Europe, but no one really talks about! So I hope that was helpful and I hope that you heard all of those 10 things and you're like, “yeah, I'm still doing it!” I would too. The pros outweigh the cons. A destination wedding in Europe is a once in a lifetime privilege and opportunity, and I hope that you get to experience it. Remember, it's not easier, it's not necessarily harder, it's just different. So don't be discouraged. And remember, you're not alone. If you're looking for an extra guiding hand and hype girl or just an expert to take this journey with you, come join us. We help untraditional couples plan multi-day intimate destination weddings in Europe inside of our program called De-Stress Your Destination Wedding.
For even more must know tips about planning your destination wedding, download our free pricing guide below!
Free Guide!
Estimate the Cost of Your Destination Wedding
In Europe before booking a venue!
